Time: 11:58AM

Place: The Office (I took a picture of ours office)

Status: Just one of those days.

“On the page it looked nothing. The beginning simple, almost comic. Just a pulse – bassoons and basset horns – like a rusty squeezebox. Then suddenly – high above it – an oboe, a single note, hanging there unwavering, till a clarinet took over and sweetened it into a phrase of such delight! This was no composition by a performing monkey! This was a music I’d never heard. Filled with such longing, such unfulfillable longing, it had me trembling. It seemed to me that I was hearing the very voice of God.”

To compose and write music like that. To create anything that reflects the character of God in such a tangible way.

Ludwig Van Beethoven – Piano Sonata “Pathetique” 2nd movement

Antonio Vivaldi- La Primavera

Johann Sebastian Bach – Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart- Symphony No. 40

…to name a few.

Time: 12:05AM

Place: The Island, Kwon Cave

Status: “I hear the Savior say, ‘They strength indeed is small; Child of weakness, watch and pray, Find in ME Thine ALL IN ALL.”

One of the most ironic thing about life is that even in lethargy, i find myself trapped in busy-ness. Even in emptiness, i find myself filling the void with idleness. I don’t even know if this makes sense, but I find myself filling emptiness with more emptiness. What do I mean? Filling my life with things that are not of the Lord, therefore tis emptiness. And in the midst of this vicious cycle, somehow I am busy. While doing nothing. What a cruelty. How can something so beautiful be so dangerous? And the craziest thing about it is this…emptiness is the heaviest thing in the world. To try to move it, to make way for God, is to move mountains. HA! To have faith the size of a mustard seed. But I hear God’s whisper to me. I hear the Savior saying…find your all in me.

I want intimacy. And I won’t settle for anything less, in Jesus name.

So God is teaching me something raw and fresh. He is teaching me to be a little brother again. For those who are visually driven, allow me:

James Kwon- 25 years young

Phillip Park- 24 years young

Steve Chun- Unknown. (someone do the math, i only got to Calculus)

Michael Lim- 21 year…kid.

Especially the last couple years, being a leader at ACF, and being generally viewed as an older figure, this is something entirely new. To be frank, I didn’t know how to act. And I must admit, I have been acting childish, rather than childlike in a lot of ways around them. However, there is lots to learn from being on this side again. I am seeing the wrongs I may have done as an older figure, and the things that have been done right. These guys are sharpening me to be a better brother. What glory comes out of changing in perspectives, they are a blessing to me. I hope these older brother also take the mantle in encouraging me as a young one. I look up to them.

And lastly, God led me to meet some African international students of Brown University the other day. It was exciting to just talk to people from a different culture about Christianity. And boy, do they know scripture. Dude, it is ridiculous when non-Christians know more about our Love Book more than Christians. Yeahhhh..let’s all get on that. But to talk to the intellectual elite of an entire continent was really cool. What I learned is this…despite cultural differences, people everywhere are innate to sin in the exact same ways. People are prideful, and we love putting God into our own structural rules of logic. And theological and intellectual debates will not win this War. To move the Kingdom, we must move with Love. It is beyond understanding, logic, or any structure. It beats All. It is the Ultimate Weapon, and God calls us to warfare with Romance.

Don’t believe me? Here’s scripture: “And by this all men will know you are My Disciples, if you love one another” John 13:35. This is the greatest weapon ever known to man. Romance. It is sad to see the body of Christ treat one another in other ways. When I hear stories of self-abuse, binge drinking, bulimia, and other things that people do, it’s so sad. Well guess what, every time we discourage one another, call each other names, judge one another without love, and all of that, it is self-abusing One United Body of Christ. It is the same thing. Forget evangelical tracks, emotional ministry, and spiritual gifting. Let’s Love.

One of the things he said, I will never forget. He proudly and blindly said, “Religion is weakness man. It is our attempt to hold on to the things we do not understand. It is our desire to believe in something, for the sake of our inabilities. Christianity is just a crutch.”

You know what, you are right dude. Preach on. Jesus is my Crutch. He is the Strength when I am weak. He is not only an attempt, but THE Hold on to things I do not understand. He is my Desire to believe in something, for the sake of my inabilities. He is the Perfecter of my Faith.

He is my Savior…He is our Savior…He is THE Savior of the world.

- M.

…please.

Time: 9:28 PM

Place: The Island, Providence, Upstairs, Kwon House

Status: Overwhelmed, period.

I’m scared.

Yeah I know, I’m only here for 3 months, but I’m not scared for the now, I’m scared for the later. Having to go from the comfort of NOVA, friends, and all that I know to Rhode Island for three months…its a taste of what’s going to happen in 6 months. And if I am so uncomfortable now, it’s going to be death leaving behind all I know.

I am starting to realize how much I take some of my friends, especially at JMU, for granted. When Bryan left, I teased him constantly about how he was going to be depressed. It was partly because, I knew when the time comes, I am going to be in absolute shambles. Personally, I am going to make sure I make this last semester count. I think that’s the only way I am going to be able to go out without being too depressed.

The Cost of Discipleship:

²⁶“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. ²⁷And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.”

-Luke 14:26-27

I remember intensely talking about this in SG this year…You don’t know what a bible verse really means, until it becomes alive in your life. When we read Abraham’s sacrifice in the bible, we zealously tell God, I could do that for You. I dare anyone to live that out, I bet it would break some people’s faith for GOOD. But we do ask for that dont we? Without knowing what that means, we ask “Bring alive your Word in my life.”

I don’t know what God is going to have me give up, but for now I am scared. I hope I can be ready.

I miss everyone already, more than any of you guys could imagine.

~M.

…if you don’t know, you don’t know.

Time: 3:44AM

Place: Northern Virginia, Centreville, Basement, Corner room

Status: Listening to “All For You” by Starfield, feeling a bit zealous but at the same time wondering what it all means.

Honestly, sometimes blogging just doesn’t do it. You know what I mean? It’s like trying to take a picture with a Nokia 5190 cellphone of your mind, when quite frankly…even a movie couldn’t do it justice.

Jokes on you, the Nokia 5190 is a cell phone introduced in the 90’s, and it doesn’t even have a camera. Touche…and a slice of irony like an orange in a glass of blue moon. Maybe blogs actually aren’t accurate at all, but rather a masquerade of what we want the world to know. Maybe all bloggers are liars. Maybe Casting Crowns needs to stop saying glass stained masquerade in every single song they sing. Maybe.

This summer has been…more or less a battle. Who am I kidding, it’s been a war. Since we’ve been young, we’ve been conditioned like Pavlovian dogs into thinking that the summer months bring about unconditional rest. Not so much. There is a time and season for rest, but as of now, there is a sense of threshing going on in my life. There are certain things in my life that the world has been lying to me about. They have convinced me that I have certain rights.

For example, every boy subconsciously believes we are going to be one day united into one flesh with a girl. And vice versa, you get the drift, king. What used to be a beautiful hope in the Lord of Providence, has become some disgusting high school varsity sport try-out. We ask each other to vomit a list of adjectives of what we want. In our hearts we judge every member of the opposite gender on a numerical scale, as if the Lord’s creation could ever be judged by a number from 1-10 (even though between 1-10 are infinite amounts of value. But I am neither in the mood or have the capacity to even explore mathematical laws of that nature). We decide who’s on our “varsity team” and who is not, as if we are some coach who has credentials enough. But the ironic thing is, like most high school coaches, we know nothing of the sport (symbolism of love..just in case this is all confusing). Even worse, most of the people’s judgments are worthless speculation. They actually don’t even want to be on your team. Touche number two.

But ladies and gentlemen, relationships are not our right. We convince ourselves it is, but they are precious gifts. Do you remember when we were kids, we didn’t understand the concept of gifts. We thought gifts were getting what we wanted, when we wanted, how we wanted it, and regardless of any outside variable or constraints. Ruined birthdays and Christmases (?) because we didn’t get what we wanted. But when we did, it probably satisfied us for possibly a week. And if it was a Nintendo 64, nine days max. Sometimes when it comes to relationships, we approach it in the same way to God. Actually, let’s not water it down, tis MOST of the time. We tell him, what we want, when we want, how we want, and without any regard. As if, I knew best. And that’s the sad reality of relationships today. When people don’t see them as gifts, it is also so easy to throw away. No matter what, when you receive a gift from your parents, you give it considerable worth. You will never throw it away, because it has meaning. It is valuable. And so it is with relationships from God. However, we fail to see this. That is why there are so many discouraging relationships in the church. So many relationships coming and going. So many believers who love the Lord, but do not understand this concept. So many people who have become jaded to one another. And too many people who have lost hope of intimacy and love within Christ’s body, because this has been messed up.

Alas, there is hope. Hope in Christ our Lord. Hope in Jesus who never did anything he didn’t see the Father do. Hope in the one we call Sovereign. Hope in the one we put our Salvation towards. The fact of the matter is, we give him authority to do as he pleases, but often times we hold onto our dreams of a beautiful relationship. I lay that down, in Jesus’ name. Let’s be honest, as a boy I have an innate desire to be in an intimate relationship with a girl. To protect her, to lead her, to love her. There is nothing wrong with that. It is from the Lord. But, it must be a Holy intimacy. The intimacy Christ had for his Church. His sacrificial love. The love that is beyond understanding.

Children of God, let’s take up this mantle. Let’s stop thrusting our Christmas wish list on to God’s face. He will give when he pleases. He will give when its right. All good gifts come from the Lord. He wants to give you more than you can ever imagine. Let’s stop being a 3 year old asking his/her parents for a PS3. What the hell is he/she going to do with a PS3? There is a time and place for everything, as it is with relationships. Let’s seek his face, not his hands. I can’t be satisfied with what he has done with my life, and not let him have it all. One day I’ll share, but I shouldn’t even be at JMU. If I had it my way, I would have been at GMU. And sorry to all my Mason friends, but let’s be honest. JMU is where its at. It is also the place where I have met him face to face. Where I have grown more than I ever imagined. Where the beginning of intimacy happened. But the Lord led me here, and I know I am supposed to be here for a fact. It was Him. And so it is with a relationship. If I have it my way, I will botch it. I will date a “GMU,” when the Lord has prepared a “JMU” for me (sorry GMU again, but it’s just an example in my life. For you guys its the other way around, as I am sure he is guiding you). But later on, IF the Lord sees fit to lead her and I towards one another, it will be glorious worship. We will meet the Lord face to face, We will grow together, and we will grow closer in intimacy with the Lord. And to those who are holding down the fort within a relationship. Fight on. The Lord is proud of the way you are symbolizing his relationship with His Church. Continue to bless others and be a song of worship towards all of us who are single.

So yeah, that’s what’s on my heart nowadays. Thank you Jesus for showing me these things, for I am made worthy, only by You. If it came off condescending, that wasn’t my intention at all. Rather, it is coming off of as a state of alert. It is a concern. And I am just learning this day by day.

Blessed are the Pure in heart, for they shall see God. Matthew 5:8

Who may ascend into the hill of the Lord? And who may stand in His Holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who has not lifted his soul to falsehood and has not sworn deceitfully. Psalm 24:3-4

Dancing by yourself or pretending to be a rockstar in a concert is the greatest thing to do at 1:05 AM

“Dude, we’re just impatient. Do you remember when we were young, and you were about to goto Kings Dominion? The feeling of your heart racing the night before? And the feeling you get when you first get there? I haven’t felt that in a LONG time. I mean YEARS. And now its back…like constantly. I’m just saying I feel that way.”

enjoy it..eh?

thanks, Friend.

Cursed are you above all the livestock
and all the wild animals
You will crawl on your belly
and you will eat dust
all the days of your life.
And I will put enmity
between you and the woman
and between your offspring and hers
he will crush your HEAD
and you will strike his heel.
-Genesis 3

At that time Joshua turned back and captured Hazor and put its king to the sword. (Hazor had been the HEAD of all these kingdoms.) Everyone in it they put to the sword. They totally destroyed them, not sparing anything that breathed, and he burned up Hazor itself.
-Joshua 11

Rise, Joshua Generation. The Victory is ours.

Let’s move with love today. Let’s not go anywhere without it. Let’s let love guide us. Let’s sing with love, pray with love, and speak with love. Let’s give with love, and receive with love.

Let everything we do today, be in accordance with the love we receive everyday from God.