Everything is different.

Time – 9:33PM Kona

Place – Dorm

Mood – Resolved and Hungry for my Beloved

God has always been the same, but as I begin to slowly see through heavenly reality, everything is becoming different. Slowly earthly reality is fading, as heaven is literally invading my life. Heavenly reality is nothing more than understanding who God is, and understanding who He says we are.

Restoration and Searing of Identity.

I’ve always known that I was a son of God. But the knowledge hadn’t reached down to the core of who I was. As Jonathan Helser (Anointed worship leader, friend of God, and one of my absolute heroes in God’s army) put it, it hadn’t made the 18 inch journey from my head to my heart. Even now, I am not as fully immersed in the sea of sonship as I would like to be, but I have hope that he who began a good work, will complete it.

I am blown away at the reality that nothing has ever been initiated by man. The father saw his prodigal son from far away and ran towards him. He fell on his neck and gave him hugs and kisses of love. It says in the word that He dances and sings over us. The picture is actually more accurately described as “spinning around violently in joy and shrieking in absolute thrill and excitement.” Is that the view I have of God? Do I believe that when I ask for a revelation of love he spins around in circles in excitement? Or do I believe he silently nods, with his arms crossed, and says “Finally, you are getting it…it’s about time…maybe I will hold some back to teach you a lesson for not getting it the first time.” Do I believe that he is more willing to give than I could ever imagine? That the word willing isn’t even close to describing His violent and ferocious desire to pour out on His loved ones? Do I really know the heart of God? These revelations are slowly but surely journeying down into my heart. And I absolutely love it. As he sears this into my heart, I am beginning to lay down more of myself to His Lordship, and becoming a confident son of God.  I love being who I was made to be.  His son.

Perfect Love Obliterates Fear

This is actually a word that the Lord kept saying in my heart, even before the teachings began. I just kept hearing it over and over again. Even before I heard anything about it, I knew this was something I needed to get. I believe that this is one of the absolute most suffocating yoke around my neck. I have so much fear. Everything from physical, spiritual, mental, and some just straight up silly. I still fear the dark sometimes. It’s not all the time, but there are moments when I get wrecked with fear from darkness. I fear mediocrity. I fear marriage. I fear standing out, because I always felt like I’d be the nail that gets hammered down. I hate having attention for fear of being exposed for all my failures and insecurities. I fear letting people in because I have been rejected so many times in my life. I’m scared of the future. I’m scared of my past coming back to haunt me. I’m scared of not being understood, or not being important to anyone. I’m scared that at the end of my life, there will be no words on my tombstone, because there isn’t anything worth writing about. I fear losing my family and friends. There is so much fear in my life. But today, the Holy Spirit through Jonathan Helser rocked my very being. “The places you were created for greatness is where the enemy will hit you with the most amount of fear.  He hits you with fear because he fears who you will become.  He hits you with insecurity because he is insecure about what you will do. He hits you with confusion because you will create confusion for Him, when you become what you were made to be.”  Moses was afraid of speaking. David was rejected by his own father.  Peter denied Christ three times in the span of a day. As these men of God god to know the Father’s heart, things changed. Moses became THE friend of God who spoke on behalf of God. David was accepted by God wholly and was called a man after God’s own heart.  Peter became the rock in which Jesus shaped and is continuing to shape his bride. As I understand and receive His perfect love freely, fear has to leave.  It is a natural reaction, and honestly it’s exhilarating.  Even now I feel my spirit slowly learning to dance on my chains.  I am in love.

Prayer Requests!

Pray that these things that I am learning will go to my heart, and not just my head…No turning back, I want to be absolutely exposed for God.

Outreach team has been released, and I will be a part of the Europe team.  We will go minister in Amsterdam, Berlin, and Paris…we will be ministering in the red light district, 24-7 Burn ministry, and most importantly…to God’s heart.  Most of our team still need funds, including myself.  I have slightly less than 1800 dollars (left from paying school fees), and I need $2500 by February 3.  And then there will be one more due date with an amount that hasn’t been figured out yet.  I need the Lord’s providence!  See if you are called in this season to be His hands, as I am called to be His feet.

Continue to pray for my back and full healing!

Footnote: Picture credit to Lisa Kim, she’s amazing.

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